Thoughts During A Tornado Warning at Work

Wednesday nights are my usual night to close at work. Predictions for the weather this past Wednesday were of possibly severe storms, with hail and high winds. Fearing a dearth of help, I hoped for a dark and stormy night, little realizing I would get to learn what the "What To Do In Case of Tornado Warning" section of our store's company-issued "What To Do In Case of [insert name of disastrous event]" binder.

The thunder and lightening and rain started around 5. Just in time to pin most potential customers in their cars on the freeway until such time as they needed to head directly HOME for dinner. Business was markedly sloooow. I was beginning to align the labels on the soup cans on one of the endcaps by 6:30, having collected the two pieces of reshop from the lanes and taken them to the service desk. The thunder and lightening continued, the only unpleasant side effect being that lightening meant that my smart-aleck cart attendant was, regrettably forced to remain indoors, where he would inflict his presence on me far more often than is to my taste.

About 7-ish, the tornado warning sirens sounded. The manager on duty and our security guy had a confab, checking the official store disaster manual and consulting the local news, already in full "Tornado TV" mode with dual live Doppler radar tracking blurs of green, yellow, orange and fuschia in the background across the map of central Ohio. Manager got on the overhead PA system and announced that the National Weather Service had issued a tornado warning for our area, and that we encouraged our customers to remain inside the building, preferably towards the rear and center of the store, and avoiding doors and windows. This had the effect that I have always thought it would have. PEOPLE JUST KEPT SHOPPING!!!! Except for the few who asked "Do we HAVE to stay here???" Having reassured these particular customers that this was America and that it was still their God-given right to risk life, limb and a trip to the Emerald City, we checked 'em out and sent them on their merry way.

I moved my cashiers off lanes near the doors, toward the center, just in case we had to make a fast break for the hallway outside the breakroom. Our security guy, who's actually SEEN two tornadoes, was outside monitoring the skies and getting weather updates on his cell phone, so I told my service desk person and our photo lab tech that should they see our security guy running past them, they were to leap across their respective counters and follow him. This was all done with a sense of calm and humor. I told my people that the breakroom hallway was a safe place to be, and that, in the event there was a disaster and we survived, our meeting place was at the Mexican restaurant across the parking lot. And that whoever got there first was to arrange a table and order several pitchers of margaritas until everyone had been accounted for. Afterwards, if there was still time on our shifts, we were to head back to the store and arrange the rubble in neat little piles.

Violating all policy, several of us ventured outside to look at the black sky to the northwest and watch the lightening for a bit. This all went on for about half an hour, after which, we were downgraded to a severe weather warning. Needless to say, the place was DEAD the rest of the night. Apparently, several nearby areas got hit by damaging hail storms, so potential customers spent the rest of the evening assessing damage to their cars and homes. It rained and stormed enough to keep my cart attendant indoors most of the rest of the night. By which time, I was ready to requisition a golf club from sporting goods and send him outside to play lightening rod. But that's a whole 'nuther story....